Weekend Activities

It's a cold, frosty weekend in Happy Jack Land. It is very bright outside and snowy. It is supposed to snow another 4-5 inches tomorrow. I am so glad this past week is over. I had to present at a school board meeting on Tuesday. I was really extremely nervous about it but I think it went ok. I wish I was better at that sort of thing. I just don't have any self confidence.

Had a bad day on Wednesday which has left me feeling very unsettled. Went to a very long overdue doctor's appointment on Thursday. The doctor laughed at me for going missing for five years, but did mention that I lost 6 pounds in that time. Gee thanks. lol. Glad to have that taken care of finally. Went shopping afterwards and got some nice things. A new pair of jeans, shirt and a few other unmentionables. lol. It's time to start taking care of me.

Had two days of Power School training this week which finishes up the offices in two of the schools. Glad that is over. Friday I mainly worked on the website. I also spent about an hour at the middle school taking pictures of staff for the website. That was fun. They seemed excited about the Feb. web plan. So I now have 12 pictures. I need 20 to have full coverage of 1 picture a day. If I get more than that (which I'm hoping for) I'll need to write a script to change the pics throughout the day. I think I'll put two pics of me in....one as the webmaster and one as my current position which I won't list by name. lol.

Today I have orders to finish, taxes to finish, bills to pay, Xmas stuff to put away, and just overall cleaning and stuff that I've really needed to attend to. Tomorrow is the Bears playoff game against the Saints. I'm going in to the office for a while to assist with the setup of my new web server. I've never done anything with servers before so I want to be there to learn. I'm sure I won't be of any help, but it will be good to observe. Also have a lot of work to do with the Academy website. That needs to be up and functional by Wednesday. I hope next week is better than this week.

Yeah, Happy New Year.

There I said it. Let's get on with it.
Ok, I am in some kind of mood that's for darn sure. Going out tonight for a few hours to a trustee friend's house. Last year at this time I was working at T until about 11:30. Just barely made it to the party in time for midnight. This year we are going from about 8-10PM then back home to relax and pack up for our trip up to the Dells. Haven't been there since I was a little kid. The party tonight should be interesting. We'll have to see who all is there since they can't have more than 2 trustees together at any point without it being a meeting. The mayor should be there also and some trustee wannabees. I was a trustee wannabee but I'm not so sure now. Still working on that figuring out what I want from life thing.

I'm ready to take all the Christmas stuff down. I need to get my house finished. We've got several rooms in various stages of painting and I need to get them finished. The girl broke her bed so we need to get her something else soon too. Right not she's on the floor. Yes, the antique bed that my mother dragged home from the Salvation Army on the back of my sister's stroller. The one my sister used growing up. The one that I used once she moved out. That bed. Leave it to my kid to break a family heirloom. Sheesh.

Yesterday I bought a couple computer books. PHP and web design. The web design one I pretty much know everything in it, but it is a good reminder kind of book. And it had some nice design ideas in there. Sometimes its just good to look at other kinds of stuff. One thing I noticed when I was in college was that I could be really creative there, but once I came home all that creativity just dried up. Wonder why that is? I was pretty creative at LF but towards the end I could feel it all being sapped right out of me. Pretty sure that was due to the stressful situation with the bosses and the pull-back into the office. I think towards the end I was doing crap work just to piss them off. Well, it was what it was.

I have some ideas for things I really want to do with both Happy Jack and the district. I love doing the district webpage. Really love it. I also have that tinge of fear that I have no clue what I'm doing and everyone is going to find out. I've had that all my life though and I think now that I'm 40 I better just get over it. I know few things. I've never taken any HTML classes, what I've learned is through trial and error. DH insisted I learn to code and not rely on programs to do it for me. I do appreciate that suggestion. I think it makes me a better designer, knowing what's going on in the background, but I am impatient and sloppy with my coding. I need to improve that. I bet if I took a couple classes that would help.

I need to find my place at the district. Some people would love to keep me in my present position. I need more than that. I choose to be more than that. And I can't continue to stand back. I can't continue to stand back with anything. My life is probably half over. (There's that glass half empty/half full thing.) What have I accomplished? I walked away from things I loved - took a safer route a lot of times. Did some astounding things by other people's judgement. Looking back 20 years did I do anything I thought I would? I dunno. My life certainly isn't anything like I imagined it would be when I was growing up. People I knew are gone from my life. There is probably some unfinished business to attend to with some, but I may never be able to finish it. I think it is time to move on. In 20 more years I will be 60. Who will I be then? Who am I now? I don't know. That's yet to be seen.

My trusty bass case is open in my room. I reopened it this year after a little prodding. There are a lot of ghosts in there. There is a lot of pain in there. There is also a lot of joy in there. I don't have the confidence to play...yet. I also bought myself some art supplies. I don't have the confidence to draw yet either. I'm working on it. I will get there. I think my inability to do either of those things is key to whatever issues I'm having in my life. I feel lost and confused about who I am and what I want. What I want to be.

Enough rambling about me. Other than me everything is fine. Happy Jack just keeps rolling along without my attention, so it seems. Kids are great - doing great in school and making us laugh. The girl is gorgeous, although she is so much more McLeod than Armstrong. The boy is turning into an evil genius...or freaky mastermind. We'll have to keep an eye on that one. Loopy dog is still loopy and really needs a bath.

Happy New Year one and all. I don't know what this year holds, but it is sure to be interesting one way or another.

Christmastime

Ok, I'll be the first to admit it....Christmas is not my favorite time of the year. Hands down that's gotta be Halloween. Obvious though, isn't it? Perpetually happy pumpkin and all? My Halloween fascination had to start with living near Detroit growing up. I remember learning about Devil's night and thinking...how bizarre! A night when people go out and pull pranks....soap windows, throw eggs, set Detroit on fire....what a concept. Plus the added bonus of getting to be whoever you wanted to be for a night. Yeah, that's a holiday for me.

This Christmas has been hectic, stressful, and just an overall drain on me. As I was trying to decorate my dining room earlier I asked my dh if I was around last Christmas. I mean, I know I was here, but I was also working that dreaded other job and I don't remember putting up the Christmas tree, or really much else of it. This year, I managed to get the tree up, although I didn't do any of the decorating. The kids did it, which is fine. Not how I would do it, but that's ok. I just can't get into it this year.

Looking back on the past year, it has been another down year. I was hoping it was just my 30s, but most of this year (and turning 40 in the middle of it) hasn't been much different. I really need something. I need to figure out who I am.

Happy Jack is going along by itself mostly. I've gotten a lot of orders lately, which is good, but I don't have the energy to put into it like I should. I haven't done anything new in ages. I have plans in my head and a few on my work table...but no time to devote to developing them. The coloring contest this year was a huge flop. Going from 500+ entries 2 years ago to 3 this year. Getting cut out of my own district surely didn't help things. But I also didn't market it - so it is my own fault.

McLeod Multimedia is doing ok too....have websites to work on, but need to make some changes there as well. Need to figure out what to do with the phone situation. Need to get myself a new computer. My Windows 98 is getting obsolete. I need to learn more. I need to do more.

I think as 2006 wraps up I will bid it a glad goodbye. I have much bigger and better plans for 2007. There are things in my past and my future that need taking care of. Mostly me.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Ouch...

You know how some people throw their backs out? I threw my jaw out this evening. It gets stuck sometimes which is quite awkward and painful to pop back into place when it happens. Tonight, though, it didn't get stuck exactly, although when I closed my mouth it made a horrible grating sound and now it clicks when I move it. Later on when I went to talk it popped back out again too. Sheesh. So I'm resting it in bed. lol. I think I'll do some reading while I'm in here.

I've been reading some grown up books lately...Catcher in the Rye, Cannery Row, The Pearl, and now a book called Criss Cross that the girl got for her birthday. I've got a bunch more books coming through the school orders soon too.

In Happy Jack land I have a bunch of orders all of a sudden. Of course the timing of these things is never ideal...I am also working on a student directory that is taking a lot of my time. I hope to have all orders either out the door tomorrow or ready to ship on Monday. I better have the directories finished then too. It will be a busy weekend.

...Birdland...

Holy %$@% man could we play in high school! lol. I mean I know I've talked about it, but tonight I got out a couple of the albums and part way into hearing the first one I had to bust out my bass and "attempt" to play along. Right now I'm part way through our 1982 album which would have been my sophmmore year. Dang blast it other than a few iffy solos we were smokin' good. I was kind of expecting it to not live up to my memories that I've been bragging about lately. But I am honestly blown away...even my half-ass solo on Birland was pretty good and then to top it off that we were all under 18 and playing like that is amazing. I wonder if anyone else remembers those times as fondly as I do. Dang....

So in looking back on the couple albums I could find...my sophmore album had the best picture. I was sitting in front leaning on the acoustic bass and there in the middle is this other goofball holding his bass upside down. He was a year older than me, I think, and I played circles around him and I don't actually think he even played on the album...or maybe he did on one song...I can't really remember! I know I did the bulk of the performing and he was like "come on, let me play one"...lol.

Hang on....gotta play along with another one...Bright Eyes by Paul Clark. Had to stop though...I just don't have the forearm strength I once had...course that could also be due to the 4-hour snow shovel marathon from last weekend. Alright, I am quite surprised at how fast it all does come back. Even all those little nuances..right back where they belong. My co-worker was right...it is like riding a bicycle. Now I just need to work up some stamina, and surprisingly one of my finger nails is too long. lol Never thought I'd say that one. Hang on...drum solo...lol Gosh, it is so like being back on the road...I can picture where we played, everything.

Now if I can just get the garage band software working on my laptop I will be in business.

iTunes

One definite benefit of job #1 is this rocking new laptop. I have a macbook pro dual-core with 2MB RAM and it runs Windows as well as OSX! As if that wasn't enough, some wisecracker also tipped me off to iTunes. I was perfectly happy relying on albums, the occasional tape and the 10 or so CDs I own. But now I have this whole new world of iTunes! Not only can I put my favorite tunes on the laptop, I can go buy them if I don't have them! I found some great jazz songs from the HS era...Buddy Rich - Love For Sale...had to buy that one - same arrangement that we used to play. Also found Nutville, again same arrangement and Warm Breeze, which is slightly different than we used to play. I keep expecting to hear Ann's piano solo or Tom's trumpet solos. And I keep listening for the bell for third period to go off right at the end of the song. So anyway...I started out my evening's playlist with Queen's Somebody to Love, then moved on to a little Green Day...then one of all my all-time favorites...Landslide by Stevie Nicks. It just goes on and on...all good stuff!

And this may be a strange segue, but if you follow my convoluted logic it does flow...I'm moving from iTunes to this very strange dream I had the other night. lol I'll post a key to the lulu logic below.

I had a dream a couple nights ago that I was elected to the Senate. Which was great, but I couldn't hear what was going on. We were in this great big hall being introduced and I couldn't hear what the heck was going on. It was rather frightening, really. I think the dream is a sign that I really need to get my hearing issues taken care of. Besides not being able to hear in meetings at work, I was at a party over the weekend and realized that I couldn't hear anyone there either. It is especially bad if there is any background noise or the person who is talking isn't facing me. I'm not sure if I'm just getting really good at lip reading or if there is something about the sound waves not coming directly at me or what. And don't get me started about when my hearing cuts out completely and I only hear static. That started back in the 9th grade. I remember sitting in Mr. Leece's English class and just hearing static.

Before my battery dies...here's the logic key:
iTunes...Stevie Nicks...Fleetwood Mac..."Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow"...Bill Clinton...Hillary Clinton...the Senate..the dream. lol

Random Thoughts...Part 3

Boy, talk about a lot of rambling. Sheesh! And sorry about all the grammar and spelling mistakes. I would edit those, but haven't figured out how to do that again since they changed my blog.

And I think I'm finished whining for now. Just chalk this all up to mid-life crisis or something. I guess I just wish that while there are not necessarily things I would change in my life, maybe there are things I should have continued in my life. And now I'm missing those things. I just don't know how to try to incorporate those into my life now. Maybe it is too late to look back.