Sunday, December 03, 2006

Random Thoughts...Part 2

What is my purpose? I'm not sure. When I quit LF and had a glorious year by myself inventing Happy Jack I thought I was on to something. I really, really, enjoyed doing what I was doing. But I do have to admit I also really enjoy working on websites. So while I am greatly missing working on Happy Jack, a part of me does enjoy working at the district. I have some great people to work with, who are challenging me to try new things, and are also helping me remember some things about myself I've forgotten.

I've spent some time recently in retrospect. Looking back over my time so far. And at 22 years out of high school (18 years out of college for those keeping track) I've really accomplished and experienced some amazing things in my life. Lived through that horrible jr. high experience to have a really incredible high school experience. Looking back, that whole 4 years was an incredible ride. Being in the jazz band was something I certainly loved at the time, and looking back it was even more incredible than it seemed at the time. I've recently been telling a coworker about it and realized that it sounded pretty incredible, like I was making it all up, but in all actuality, being part of those groups of people was probably a once in a lifetime occurrence. Recording albums, playing with the pros, at 16-18 years old was something most people never even dream of. I had some wonderful friends back then (really none of whom I kept in contact with) and I wonder sometimes if I will ever experience anything like that again.

College was another whole story. Going to the same college as one of the other best bass players in the state was just my luck. My coworker mentioned that that probably made me a better musician, but really, it was another instance of me turning my back on competition. Sure, I auditioned for 6 months for a spot in the jazz band against him, but I had the fact that I was a biology major, not a music major, to use as an excuse for not trying harder. Isn't that how I always work? Throw me up against someone who is better than me and I will walk away always. That's me. In college I changed my major from Biology to Commercial Art. The Dean of the Fine Arts department had confidence in me. That pretty much shocked me. Me? Art? I've never done anything artistic in my life. Unless you count music, but that was always discounted as a future for me. Who wants to see a 40 year old woman playing bass? lol. I always tested extremely high in the arts but always figured it was that the music thing. Once I got to college and walked away from music and struggled with Chemistry I didn't know what I was to do. Art? Sure, why not. I could try that.

Enter my art period. Let's just say right off the bat...I'm no fine artist. lol. Figure drawing was not my forte. Weeks and weeks of drawing people...not my thing. I excelled at photography & dark room manipulation, printmaking and of all things...the darn computer! Maybe it shouldn't have been a total surprise. I took a basic programming class way back in 1983 or 84...working on Apple 2 computers. Before the mac, before the PC really. The programming was ok, but drawing pics by plotting points (Vlines and Hlines, I think they were called) was really neat. I liked doing that. So much so that I used to check out the computer to bring home and play with. And when I went to college I was the only kid in the dorm to have her own computer. I went out and purchased an Apple 2c for myself so I could keep making pictures. The year I became an art major they started a new art program...computer graphics. I took that class using a Truevision Targa 16 & 24 program and fell in love. I finally found something that felt right for me. I loved being on the cutting edge...I spent so much time working in that lab that they made me a tutor. I used to spend most of my time out of class in that little room working in the dark. I used to make pictures on the computer and shoot photos off the screen and take that film into the dark room to develop and color separate on those huge 18x24 transparencies then I would take those big negatives and expose them onto silk screens for printing. That was the basis for my senior project. No one had done something like that and my advisor wasn't sure it would even work, but I figured it out. Once again, it was a good time, looking back on it.

Out of college I accepted a job at a video post production company in Chicago. I hoped it would be a way to get my foot in the door. It was a fantastic place to work, but a place I was no where near being ready to work out of college. I was so out of my league it wasn't funny. The people working there were so together. Even other hires who were my age. One had moved to Chicago to take the job from New Jersey and got an apartment by herself and was completely self sufficient. Here I was still living at home and not feeling like I had any control over my life. It was a very humbling 18 months. I was a production assistant and was able to see so many aspects of that business from working with really top-notch designers and truly cutting edge computer equipment to rubbing elbows with some of the industry elite. Again, it seems like a dream when I look back at what I found myself in the middle of. Once again, I feel like I didn't belong there.

I left that job to take care of my ailing father. I was 23 and my father passed away 6 months later on Thanksgiving Day.

[end of part 2]

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